Today your host on “This is Not Legal Advice” Leigh Daniel is accompanied by her cohost Allison Reiner
Allison says that when we find ourselves in a relationship with a narcissist we:
1). Believe that we can change them
2). They draw us into the drama of the situation
We believe that all of it is in our head. Empathetic, softer, more open hearted people fall for the narcissist and it can be one of the most difficult relationships to leave. They make you think that you are the one who is in the wrong. For example, they can make you believe that it is your fault that they cheated on you!! One way to deal with not enough or too much sex in the relationship is by open communication.
The narcissist will never take responsibility for their own behavior. They will pass responsibility for all problems over to the empathic partner.
One of the best defenses against a narcissist is good boundaries. Know yourself and be aware of certain triggers and characteristics that exemplify a narcissist.
When in conflict with a narcissist, be neutral with short responses when questioned. Answer questions without making emotional responses. To stay engaged, make a list of all of the horrible things the narcissist has done because the empathic partner will tend to forget and is more likely to suffer longer.
Look at all of the things that brought you into the relationship so that you can look for those positive things in future relationships. But beware!! If it sounds too good to be true, it could possibly be so. Be careful of love bombing, where narcissists give you an exorbitant amount of love and adoration.
Also know that sometimes the narcissist is charming to everyone else. Listen to your instincts. The truth of who they are will always come out. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what others think but what is right for you. You need to trust yourself.
Often we forget who we are. We need to get back to find out who we are. Often this takes a life coach or a counselor.
If you can, leave the narcissist as much as possible. Find ways to communicate that keep emotions our of the way as much as possible, even if you have to communicate through a third party.
Look at the experience as an opportunity to help others. Remember, don’t feel guilty, The narcissist will do anything they can to win you over.
For help contact Allison at http://www.AllisonReiner.com
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